Offended

Where do we draw the line

What is the only thing that we, as nudists or naturists, are trying to avoid? To offend people. We like to live free, free of clothes, it is our way of living the lives that we want. We see it as the purest form of honesty about ourselves. I can safely say that my intentions, in terms of being naked, are pure. I want people to see me as I am, because it makes me feel worth seeing. I don’t need fancy clothes for this, and that exactly is what has been so life-changing.

But apart from this happy story, there are darker sides to this. And they are related somehow.

People get offended by nudity. Because in our modern society, nudity is associated with sexuality, with porn. The latter is the most watched video content in the world, it is immensely popular amongst men and women of all races. But those same people might get seriously offended if they would encounter me during a naked hike.

Why?

To get this out of the way, there is some hypocrisy involved in some cases. Their motivation for being offended will differ from person to person, but I don’t want to consider these cases too much.

Another reason could be jealousy. Jealous of the freedom that we enjoy, the ultimate freedom of being able to live without clothes. Jealous that we don’t have the misplaced shame about showing our naked body. Jealous about us having body positivity, no matter what body shape we have. Jealous of our silent pride. And we do walk proud. In my short “career” of going to nudist beaches, I’ve seen so many people that actually lifted my spirits. Women with amputated breasts, pre-operative transgender people, small people, big people, you name it, they walked proud without hiding anything. It made me feel happy. But I’ve seen the looks of some clothed people that walked across “our” beach. Most didn’t bat an eye at all of that nudity, but I’ve seen some envy in some of them. I’m sure they wished they could join us, but didn’t really dare.
But all that is rather innocent. They aren’t offended. They are curious or don’t care.

It’s the ones that are offended that interest me. So I tried to put myself in their place, to find out what would offend me.
And that brought me back to quite a while ago, before I was ever nude in public myself. We were away on a weekend, and one morning I noticed a naked man in the garden of the house next to us. That sure drew my attention. But he was just gardening, walking around in his own garden. Naked. It didn’t offend me though. Probably because I had this desire myself. I must have felt envious then, envious of his freedom to do this. Even though he knew that people could see him, he didn’t seem to care. I was fine with that. I didn’t hàve to look. I just chose to. I drank my coffee, read my book, and watched him go about his naked business from time to time.
Until he started to masturbate, in full sight. That changed the atmosphere for me. Not because I dislike sex. Not because I’m not into men. But because I felt like being used, against my will, for the sexual arousal of another person. I felt objectified. I was forced into being “the public”. And that made me angry. If it had been a woman, I would have felt about the same. I was repulsed.

I consider myself pretty much open minded about nudity and sexuality. I can stand sexuality in movies, I’m never offended by that. Not even by masturbation by men or women. As long as I made the choice to see that, to be confronted with that.
That man imposed his sexuality on me, unsolicited. I won’t go as far as comparing this to rape, but it is going in that direction. This was exhibitionism. And that offended me.

So nudity isn’t threatening to me, neither is sex. But this sort of exhibitionism is. Because someone is enforcing it on me. But he was also enforcing his nudity on me, but that didn’t bother me at all. If I would have caught him in the act, it would have felt different, I would have been ashamed maybe, but not offended. I would have been the offender, invading his privacy. Now he invaded mine, he imposed his sexuality upon me, he used my presence for arousal. He knew I was there; visibility is a two-way street. I chose to remain where I was, pretending to ignore his nudity, conveying a message of normality of the situation. And he abused that.
If my neighbours would see me naked in my garden, I would really appreciate if they acted like I did back then. In the ideal scenario, I would say hello and hope that they return the greeting, and even make a chat. But I am aware that this could be a naïve expectation. They might be offended in the same way that I was offended by this man.
They might feel like I’m using them as a public for my own sexual or other pleasure. They might feel exactly the same way as I did back then. And I would feel ashamed of myself if that were the case.
It’s not because I associate nudity with freedom that everyone else does so. Even though that limits my freedom.

So I keep dreaming of the ideal scenario where I can be naked in my own garden, not having to be scared that the neighbours can see me. That they engage in a conversation with me, without thinking anything of it. But they might feel differently about this.

I could invite friends and have a barbecue together, naked, without fear of shocking anyone.

I would love to have the freedom to do long naked walks in nature, not scared of encountering clothed people. Being able to have a light-hearted chat with them without offence being taken. What a wonderful world that would be.

It might turn into a whole different scenario if they were offended, though. I would feel very uncomfortable for sure. Because that is not what I’m aiming at. Not at all. I’m not an exhibitionist. If those people would be open to my nudity, I would feel like promoting my lifestyle in an open way. I would love to talk about it, to feel like they are willing to accept this as normal. I would hate if anyone associated anything sexual to it, though. As I experienced a couple of months ago during a nude event in an art gallery…it feels very threatening when you’re so vulnerable.

But what about the children? This is the question most heard when it’s about nudism.
Yes, what about them?
Would children be offended by nudity?
Judging from what I saw at the nudist beach, they sure aren’t. I like to think that they enjoy the freedom of nudity, of not having to wear wet swimsuits. They do learn that you can see other people without judging them, as is being done in the “clothed world”. Some of them did wear a swimsuit, but did take it off at some point too. They didn’t look like they needed a reason to either wear it or take it off.
But I’s sure they would be shocked by the sight of a man masturbating publicly. Children aren’t into sexuality at a young age, and they shouldn’t be. But the human body shouldn’t have any secrets for them, in an non-sexual way. I’m sure that we would have less mental issues amongst young people if they were all nudists. I saw very happy youngsters on the beach, happy with themselves, open towards the others. They didn’t stare at us, we didn’t stare at them, they didn’t stare at each other. Not a single phone anywhere in sight, they enjoyed each others company, chatted, played, went swimming. There was no misplaced shame in any of us. Nobody was offended, even though everybody was naked. Nudity shouldn’t be threatening to anyone when it is being done respectfully an openness.

Meanwhile, I’ll just keep dreaming about my ideal world. And wait for some warmer weather to enjoy more nudity again.